The 5 Worst Films of All Time

Last month, DVDman reviewed Lindsay Lohan‘s latest vehicle I Know Who Killed Me, a straight-to-dvd psychological thriller about a stripper. He did not like it, as evidenced by the subtly titled post: Possibly the Worst Film…Ever!!!!

Your responses to the post were huge, with many adding their own favourite worst movies to the list. The responses ranged far and wide, from The Wicker Man to No Country for Old Men.

So we decided to narrow the choices down and ask our readers, just what IS the worst movie ever?

BTW – Citizen Kane just missed out on making the top 5. Umm, congratulations?

5. I Know Who Killed Me

Lindsay Lohan plays two characters in this flop, as if one of her weren’t bad enough. Here is a mathematical explanation for why this film was made:

Lindsay Lohan X Lindsay Lohan + Stripper Pole = $$$.
Here is what actually happened:
Lindsay Lohan Acting Poorly (Twice) + Not Enough Stripping = Booooo!

God, I hope that guy finds her.

4. Plan 9 From Outer Space and Gigli

It’s a tie for forth place! Plan 9 and Gigli both received 7% of the vote. Gigli, starring Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez was released in 2003 (otherwise known as The Bennifer Years) to awful, awful reviews. It was considered one of the worst films ever, and made virtually no money at the box office. Previously successful director Martin Brest disappeared from the public eye after it was released.

Plan 9 however, had a different tragectory. Released in 1959, Plan 9 was a labor-of-love for famously awful director Ed Wood. Why was it bad? For pretty much any reason you can think of. Yet, I’ve seen this film at least 3 times, and I think it’s great! In fact, pretty much anyone who sees it falls completely in love with it. It definitely deserves the “credit” for being an awful film, but its so hilariously bad, its impossible not to like. Tim Burton went on to make the biopic Ed Wood starring Johnny Depp. That won’t happen for anyone in Gigli!

3. Norbit and Glitter

Another tie at 3rd place, with Norbit and Glitter receiving 13% of the vote each. Glitter is of course the notorious Mariah Carey vehicle which was so bad, it gave her a nervous breakdown. In a way, that’s kind of impressive. Interesting fact: the accompanying soundtrack was so unsuccessful, her record company EMI gave her $28 million to LEAVE them. Again, kind-of impressive.

Norbit is an interesting entry in this list, as it is the only film to COST someone their Oscar. Rumour has it that Eddie Murphy was a lock to win the Best Supporting Actor for Dreamgirls in 2005. Then, just before Oscar ballots were sent out, Norbit was released in cinemas. When the Oscars came around, he didn’t win. Was it punishment for making a racist, sexist, homophobic, xenophobic pile of flaming rubbish that didn’t deserve to be screened in prisons? I’m really not one to speculate about that kind of thing…

Hi-larious!

2. Meet the Spartans

Argh! So close, yet so far. Meet the Spartans (which received my vote) is the second worst movie of all time, with 18% of the vote. Of course, how can you choose between the hellish saga beginning with Date Movie, and including Epic Movie and the upcoming Disaster Movie? All I know is one thing: These filmmakers need to go wherever Martin Brest is hiding and never come back.

It’s funny because I understand the obvious reference.

1. Anything with Jessica Simpson

Yes, the worst film of all time is: Jessica Simpson! Well, anything she’s ever been in. That includes The Dukes of Hazard, Employee of the Month, and Blonde Ambition (a film that made just under a million dollars – IN RUSSIA!)

Yes, all these films are horrific, and 31% of you feel they are the worst of all time. Be sure to keep an eye out for her next project, Major Movie Star, co-starring Steve Guttenberg.

Too…ironic…must…mock…

I sure hope Dane Cook is taking her to the dump or something.

So there you go readers! Your bottom five films of all time. Well, it turned out to be more like a bottom 9. But hey, there are a lot of bad films out there – and they deserve to be recognised!

Did we miss any?

3 Responses to “The 5 Worst Films of All Time”

  1. I have to agree that Jessica takes the prize – I watched employee of the month and her range of facial expressions was zero – like she’d just come from the botox salon. Rubbish.

  2. Worst movie ever can be described in two and a half words…Komodo vs CobraYou have to see it…drink and standing on your head.

  3. 1-Black sheep2-Nem’s Iland

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