10 Actors Who Might Be Robots

If Battlestar Galactica has taught us anything, it’s that a robot can take the form of almost anyone. Our loved ones, our closest friends, even the pillars of society.

So it would be irresponsible if we didn’t try to expose those in Hollywood who might actually be robot operatives sent to destory Earth. Here are the 10 Actors/Robots to watch:

Viggo has played some of the most difficult roles of the last decade; from the king of men to a guy attracted to Gwyneth Paltrow. It was as a Russian mobster in Eastern Promises that I first became suspicious. In a key scene, he fights off two knife-wielding hitmen – COMPLETELY IN THE NUDE. Opening scene of Terminator, anyone? Just because we see his bits doesn’t mean he’s not a butt-kicking machine.

“What is…love?”

OK, maybe this one is too easy. But Keanu has played everything from a dentist, to a cop, to God, to a serial killer. But not a robot. What are you hiding Keanu?

Ahh, Angelina. So lovely. So giving. So beautiful. But she looks awfully familiar. Wait a second…

Oh my God!!! She is the robot envisioned by Fritz Lang all those years ago in his classic film Metropolis! Why Angelina? Why?

Josh Hartnett

Hartnett has clearly been programmed with the ‘Keanu Reeves School of Acting’ file, and its classic mantra “imitating a block of wood is a perfectly fine substitute for emotion”. He must have been sent back in time to date Rhianna. Damn you Robots! She was ours! Of course, Josh Hartnett wasn’t the only robot given the ‘Keanu’ program…

Hayden Christensen

See how natural Hayden looks in the above photo. He’s just one of the guys, right? WRONG. His mission was to destroy our beloved Star Wars franchise. Why? Because it portrayed robots as flamboyant and bumbling. I guess the joke’s on us.

Sarah Jessica Parker

You can’t see the rest of the picture, but she’s actually crushing a human skull.

Doug Jones

You may not recognise the name, but you’ve DEFINITELY seen Doug Jones in action. He’s played Faun and The Thin Man in Pan’s Labyrinth, Abe Sapian in Hellboy, a Gentleman in Buffy, the Silver Surfer in Fantastic Four and a Sewer Imp in Doom. So why do I think he’s a robot? Because no human is that awesome.

The Old Lady From The Happening

Codename: Betty Buckley. Anyone who has seen The Happening knows this lady has a lot to answer for. Sure, M. Night Shyamalan made A LOT of mistakes in this film. But part of me truly hopes that Betty’s crazed, non-sensical performance was just the result of a malfunctioning cyborg moments before being decomissioned.

Hugo Weaving

Hugo Weaving falls into the ‘too-awesome-to-be-human’ category. What really gave it away was when he revealed his millions of copies at the end of The Matrix Revolutions. Subtle, Hugo.

Katie Holmes

Making us all think that Tom is the crazy one. Now that is genius. I will eat my own shoe if the Holmes-bot doesn’t turn out to be a cyborg hell-bent on destroying Earth. After all, she’s already made ‘Mad Money’.

4 Responses to “10 Actors Who Might Be Robots”

  1. Bzzzt – incorrect. Keanu played an evil ROBOT version of Ted 'Theodore' Logan in "Bill & Ted's Bogus Journey".But that probably just adds weight to the theory, huh? 🙂

  2. argh!! how did we miss that one – we even had a length debate over whether or not his role in johnny mnemonic classified as robotic!

  3. What about that wooden guy out of Twister? It’s one thing to sound like you’re raising your voice above the sound of an approaching tornado, but he sounds like he’s reading out his lines loud at a school play in every role he plays. I can’t understand why he is regarded as an ‘actor’ when he is so wooden in his delivery!

  4. Robots! they’re all robots! Hell bent on taking over the world! oh my… We’re ALL in trouble now… *paranoid look* (No really.. we are!)

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