10 Things You Should Do Instead of Seeing Disaster Movie

Everyone was terrified last month that firing up the Large Hadron Collider would destroy the world. I wasn’t too worried. I was saving my apocalyptic midnight vigil for Oct 2. Why, you ask? Because October 2nd was the day Disaster Movie was released to Australian cinemas, an event I was certain would end all of existence.

Now, it’s OK. I get it. It’s the weekend, and you’ve had a particularly hard week at work/school. You just want to check out a movie, switch off your brain, and have a few laughs. Of course Disaster Movie seems like a reasonable choice. BUT DON’T DO IT!!! Please! If you go see it, then “directors” Aaron Seltzer and Jason Friedberg (yes, from these really awful movies) will continue to make even WORSE films.

I feel it is my duty as a public servant, to provide 10 alternatives to seeing the OFFICIAL worst film of all time.

1. Go watch Wall-E. Or Step Brothers. Or The House Bunny. Or even Eagle Eye. I guarantee you will enjoy those more.

2. Go for a run. Look at yourself. When was the last time you exercised! You’re embarrassing the both of us! (P.S. I haven’t exercised since faking an injury during a Year 10 soccer match).

3. Film your own “Insert Genre” Movie! All you need is a camera, a couple of friends, and access to some upcoming movie trailers. Here’s a suggestion: Foreign Movie! It can make fun of Jean from The Diving Bell and Butterfly, Ofelia from Pan’s Labyrinth and Edith Piaf from La Vie en Rose, and they can spend the movie running away from the Stasi (a’la The Lives of Others). But they all get crushed by cows!!! This is all gold.

4. Eat a box of nails. Each individual nail. Down the gullet. A whole box of ’em. Yum!

5. Go see The Dark Knight again. Remember, twice is just the minimum acceptable number of views.

6. Enjoy your Quickflix DVD’s! Check out our Classic Oscar Winners, Groundbreaking Documentaries or Sitcom Megahits. With over 32,000 movies and TV shows, Quickflix is the online movie rental company for you! 😉

7. Check out some videos on Youtube. Face it, it’s better than most television these days.

8. Go to bed. Go on, you’re tired. It’s been a long week. Plus, the economy’s about to collapse. Save your money friend.

9. Get to work on fixing the Hadron Collider, and see if you can’t hurry that apocalypse up.

10. Check out the Quickflix Blog! We’ve got articles on everything! Find out what Alex Winter’s been up to! Learn the shocking news regarding the new Bond flick! Join the debate over whether or not Adam Sandler still has ‘it’! It’s the bees knees, man!

3 Responses to “10 Things You Should Do Instead of Seeing Disaster Movie”

  1. I think your ideas were ok..still there are a few that i think you overlooked perhaps?1)Watch Beuowulf in 3D2)Watch the U2 concert in 3D.3)Read the article “10 reasons why your’e still fat” on an un-named weightloss website.4)Colonic Irrigation.5) Listen to an entire New Radicals album, and if you don’t know who they are, listen to the album “Rod Steward Sings the Great Rock Classics of Our time” instead.All these painful things could be added to your list of things that are exponentialy better than seeing Disaster Moive. Please don’t see this movie.

  2. “Go on your tired.” My what? My tired? How do I get on it? Where would I go to? LOL.”Go on you’re tired.”

  3. haha, I think I was just ‘served’.it’s nice to know my 5th grade English teacher is reading this blog.Joking! thanks for the heads up 😉

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