Spielberg and Smith to ruin, I mean, remake Oldboy

source: slashfilm.com

Steven Spielberg and Will Smith are in talks to remake Chan-Wook Park‘s South Korean classic Oldboy.

The pair have supposedly been looking for a project to work together on for a while. Screenwriter Mark Protosevich (I Am Legend, the upcoming Thor) is being considered to adapt the film for English-speaking audience.

Oldboy tells the story of Oh Dae-Su, a man who is kidnapped and imprisoned for fifteen years without explanation. Once released, he is given five days to exact his revenge, and discover the horrible truth behind his incarceration.

Oldboy is one of my all time favourite films. It is a flawless masterpiece, and any fan of cinema should see it. Saying that:

W! T! F!

I don’t want to sound like one of those people who always rags on remakes. After all, the last major foreign film to be remade in the U.S. was The Departed. And that was kinda good.

But Oldboy!? Oldboy!? Has Spielberg even seen Oldboy? Look, its a massive understatement to say that Steven Spielberg is a talented director. But Oldboy is absolutely, unbelievably, uncomprimisingly brutal. And Steven Spielberg wants to direct it! The guy who did The Terminal!

I have a little more faith in Smith starring in the lead role. After all, he is an incredibly talented actor. But there is NO WAY a film starring Will Smith can end the way the original Oldboy ends. Quite simply, NO WAY. They will not allow it.

(For the sake of the uninitiated, all spoilers for the original have been blocked out)

He is currently the number 1 attraction for moviegoers. A studio will not let their billion dollar drawcard star in a film in which he ***** *** *** ********, even if it’s the whole point of the film! And don’t think for a second he’ll be eating a **** ******* in this version either!

And that bit where he ***** * ***** in the elevator. I’m sure that’ll be gone.

Please, please, please don’t make this film. It is just not a film that can be made for mainstream audiences. I’m not saying Oldboy isn’t an amazing film that everyone should see. But a PG-13 version starring Will Smith, who doesn’t see a ****** ********* *** ****** and who doesn’t cut *** *** ****** off? I’ll pass.

We’ll keep you updated. In the meantime, enjoy the trailer for the original.


Further viewing: Oldboy is the 2nd film in Park’s Vengeance Trilogy. Add Sympathy for Mr Vengeance and Sympathy for Lady Vengeance here.

3 Responses to “Spielberg and Smith to ruin, I mean, remake Oldboy”

  1. “And don’t think for a second he’ll be eating a **** ******* in this version either!”DAMN OCTUPUS

  2. But that whole **** ******* was one of the best parts. The whole question of *** ******, not to mention the ****** *** scenes.Its such a good movie, but if I want to see it again, I’ll re-watch the original.In fact, I think I’ll do that this weekend.

  3. How can you remake perfection? I’m myself not one to go on about remakes, but this film is so flawless and it’s not just because of it’s amazingly coherent convoluted plot, but because it makes you care, which so many convoluted films don’t do. It’s absolutely devestating when you find out *** ** *** ********. And it really tears you apart because you want him to be happy but…. NO DON’T REMAKE OLDBOY! CHOOSE ANY OTHER MOVIE IN THE TRILOGY, BUT NOT OLDBOY!

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