The 10 worst films of 2009!

The Worst Films of 2009. By Simon Miraudo.

We all love movies. You wouldn’t be reading this blog and I wouldn’t be writing these articles if that wasn’t the case. This is why it’s as important to acknowledge the worst films of the year as it is to acknowledge the best. After all, would the sweet taste as nice if we had never tasted the sour.

In that spirit, here is my (personal and highly subjective) look at the 10 worst films of 2009. This was no easy task. Believe me, there were some clunkers to choose from this year. But, here are the ten films that disappointed, upset and generally just bored me the most. Please let us know in the comments section below your worst films of 2009!

It’s with great reluctance that I call A Christmas Carol the 10th worst film of the year. I greatly admire director Robert Zemeckis and star Jim Carrey, but a failure is a failure. Their motion-captured retelling of Dickens’ classic story is far too serious and too creepy to be even remotely enjoyable. If I wanted to stare into Carrey’s cold, dead, emotionless eyes, I would just watch The Majestic again.

Never trust a man who willingly calls himself “McG”. For a film that actually had the word TERMINATOR in the title, the latest installment of the increasingly disappointing franchise was surprisingly light on the robot assassins. It’s a sad day when the only thing people remember from a film is a leaked audio clip of the main actor having a tantrum about lighting.

And the award for “saddest attempt to kick-start a new franchise” goes to …

Surely the biggest critical punching bag of 2009 was Michael Bay. And you know what? He earned it. With Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, he provided us with the most unintelligible film of the year, both on a visual and narrative level. The plot was as maddeningly complex and impenetrable as Donnie Darko and Mulholland Drive rolled into one. Maybe it’s an incredibly deep and thoughtful work of art that I just don’t understand. Hmm, maybe.

Note to movie studios: kids aren’t stupid! Dragonball Evolution is not only one of the least exciting “action” films ever made, it’s also one of the most unimaginative, uninspiring and uninteresting children’s films ever made. No joke, I saw more riveting action sequences in An Education.

My Sister’s Keeper is a competently made, well-acted film, but I just can’t get around its exploitative nature. Instead of being a celebration of life, it’s a heavy-handed march towards death. Also, it’s really boring. If this film teaches us anything, life is short. So why waste two hours watching My Sister’s Keeper?

“From producer Michael Bay…”

I don’t exactly hate The Spirit. I just pity it. After all, this is what happens when you hand a big budget movie over to someone who doesn’t know how to make a film. Comic book writer Frank Miller embarrasses his all-star cast with some interminable pacing, a terrible screenplay and generally unpleasant special effects. I’d never thought I’d say this, but I wish The Spirit had been directed by Robert Rodriguez.

Ugly indeed. A film so misogynistic, sexist and downright stupid that it makes Twilight seem like a feminist manifesto. Star Katherine Heigl (who once accused the faaaaaaar superior Knocked Up of being sexist mind you) co-produced this unfunny monstrosity. Remind me to never see anything she is in ever again.

Everything about this film … EVERYTHING … is a disaster, from the cinematography, to the performances to the execution of, well, the executions. As a fan of horror films, I find The Final Destination to be an unforgivable mess; an insult of disastrous proportions. It was nowhere near as fun as Drag Me to Hell, as scary as Paranormal Activity, as disturbing as Martyrs, or even as entertainingly gory as Midnight Meat Train. The Final Destination does hold one dubious distinction: it’s the only 2009 film to be less scary than The Twilight Saga’s New Moon.

Discuss: Alright, over to you! What were the biggest clunkers you saw this year! Be honest and get emotional!

55 Responses to “The 10 worst films of 2009!”

  1. Yes! This list is complete WIN Simon!Re: Revenge of The Fallen; I was under the same impression, maybe the real meaning of that movie lay under its shiny exterior, revealing some Kant-inspired comment on consumerism and the motoring industry… Or maybe it was just specfxpr0n.

  2. I concur, although I'm too much a comic fan to say I hated The Spirit, as disappointing as it was.Also loved The Midnight Meat Train shout-out, loved that film.

  3. I dont really care what a second class reviewer says. Transformers and the ugly truth were good movies.

  4. The Ugly Truth … is that you are obviously a feminazi who is probably so highly strung that you could not appreciate the humour in the raw truth of the alpha male psyche. Your nancy boyfriend probably didn't like it either…

  5. and the Anonymous person above probably thinks lady gaga is the most talented musician of 2009.

  6. Sorry I meant the first Anonymous

  7. Haha, this is getting confusing. You are all welcome to give yourself fake names if you want to remain anonymous; might just clear things up.Also, if you hate my opinion (which is totally valid) please let us know what films you considered the worst of the year. Go on! It's fun. Almost as fun as saying "feminazi"!

  8. The Ugly Truth (2009) got 14/100 on rotten tomatoes, most movie aficionados agree this movie was a complete abomination.

  9. I think "All About Steve", should make the top 10 worst films of 09, as a bullock fan my gf made me go however we both now hate this film. The entire film can be summed up as pathetic.

  10. Revenge of the fallen reminded me very much of the beginning of Team America where they destroy Paris while trying to stop it from an attack, and the line "It's ok!! We stopped the terrorists!!!" played in my head repeatedly when watching this movie… I don't think anyone else understood why I kept giggling in the cinema. Most of the rest on this list I have not seen and don't intend to. I'll take your word on their suckyness Simon!

  11. Mao's Last Dancer – now that was a stinker!

  12. Ummmm, "The Box" . Talk about a good concept gone wrong, this movie could have been good, but instead, it failed so very badly. It was just so boring!!!

  13. Salvation, the only movie in the list I've cared to see (I will follow this franchise to the end), is still a step up from T3 (yawn) if only for Sam Worthington's character arc. The cliched, plot-hole ridden climax was a huge let-down though. The worst movie I saw this year was The Proposal. Not nearly as much fun as the premise would suggest and really showed Sandra B's limitations as an actress.

  14. Hmm… I must admit I have not seen most of these movies because I figured they would be terrible just from their trailers.One thing I am surprised about, however, is that Paranormal Activity is not in here… That was probably, no, definately THE most boring and unscary movie I have ever seen! I never fall asleep in movies, but it really was a struggle to stay awake through this one. For an independant film with a budget of $15,000 and only a week to shoot I guess it was okay though…

  15. The Ugly Truth was an abomination. I had no issues with Knocked Up but sorry this movie was dumb, sexist and not even funny. I think it has also derailed the careers of both it's stars (though Katherine Heigl's big mouth should take partial credit)

  16. I agree with what you said about A Christmas Carol. I really wanted to like it, but made the mistake of taking my 6 y.o. daughter to see it only to have spent at least 15 minutes of the film with my hands over her 3D glasses! Definitely not a family film for the Chrissy holidays in my opinion. Also didn't see a lot of point it being in 3D, most of the time it was just too dark & the glasses made it even darker.

  17. What about Wolverine? What a clunker that was!

  18. Transformers, What a waste of a fantastic franchise, Michael Bay has all but destroyed something that could have been the best "old school" movie genre movies. There was a reason why "Tranformers: The Movie" will remain one of the best animated full length feature movies of all time – and heres a hint it aint because of the animation!! (and not having the transformers theme song sucks a…)Terminator salvation was definetly worse if someone had of offered to stabbed me with needles for 2hrs instead i probably would have preferred that. Glad the production company are going bust and are needing to sell the rights off btw. Who the hell were the kidding when they tried to 3D animate Arnie in his prime!Lucky for me i didnt get a chance to see 4 out of the 10 (Gi-Joe, Ugly truth)in that list. I just hope i'm as lucky next year……

  19. The most startling omission from this list would have to be …2012.As a comedy, it was pretty funny, but as a serious drama??? What a load of crap. I did have to laugh at the references to Posseidon Adventure. I was waiting for Shelly Winters to go crashing through the set. (Would have improved the film immensely!!)

  20. I cant believe 'Fame' was not in the list, that is the worst movie of all time.

  21. This is just my opinion as a conscientous objector to the Twilight film franchise: New Moon probably should've made it to #11, althought admittedly all of these were worse, New Moon definitely wasn't good. It combined bad acting, bad graphics and too many voice-overs with a bunch of shirtless guys. Admittedly, the aforementioned shirtless guys were my only reason for watching the film…

  22. I completely agree with the list, finally someone is telling it as it is .. Well done Simon.

  23. HI SIMON – IT'S AN UGLY JOB HAVING TO DO ONES DUTY HEY ? , BUT I AM NOT ONE OF THESE PEOPLE THAT CANNOT HAVE THE COURAGE TO PUT THEIR NAME DOWN WHEN WHEN PUTTING THEIR COMMENTS IN , I AM NOT ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE – HERE IS MY NAME AND MY ADDRESS – IAN CANT AND I AM A RESIDENT OF ST ANDREWS NURSING HOME IN BALCATTA AND SOME OF THE STAFF BRING BACK DVD'S FROM BALI FOR ME WHEN THEY GO UP ON HOLIDAYS AND I HAVE ALL OF THESE COPIES THAT YOU HAVE LISTED 1 TO 10 AND AM WAITING TO GIVE THEM AWAY AS CHRISTMAS PRESENTS – YOU ARE SPOT ON . HAVE A HAPPY CHRISTMAS SIMON REGARDS IAN CANT – THEIR THE 2ND TIME

  24. Terminator shouldn't be on the list….i enjoyed the movie every inch of it…

  25. Loved both Transformers…. !!!! Watching Revenge again at the moment. How about you all get off the Transformers back and jump into the crap called "Star Trek"… that would be worth dribbling about.

  26. oh god…Transformers…so awful. I didn't like Terminator 4 but I almost want to stick up for it, because it was NOWHERE NEAR as terrible as Michael Bay's latest opus. Good list, though I'd have to disagree about The Spirit, which I thought was hands down one of the most amusing (ly bad) movies of the year.

  27. Haha, fair enough Tom.Although I'd say the award for most amusingly bad film has to go to MEGA SHARK VS. GIANT OCTOPUS.I cannot recommend that film highly enough.

  28. 😛 I'm sad to say that I haven't seen it, but rest assured I have every intention of doing so

  29. No doubt The Spirit should be there ("No egg on my Face! Just on the producers!)Think that Terminator and Christmas Carol are a little harsh – what about Couples Retreat (a massive cast with no laughs) and the hands down, worst film for any boyfriend to sit through (if they can't fake a power blackout to turn off the TV), Ghost of Girlfriends Past?

  30. I feel bad admitting this, but I actually really like The Spirit. I just assumed that it was completely stupid and ridiculous on purpose.

  31. FAME was the worse most boring movie, it was great if you have troble sleeping. the orginal series i love and the wrecked it.and come on couples retreat suxbut i enjoyed the naked truth was silly but still funny.tranformer the kids loved and so did i, the special effects where pretty impressive

  32. Mega Shark vs Giant Squid + The Room, makes for an awesome night throwing spoons.

  33. Totally agree about the spirit, just crap. I really wanted to love TF2 but I have to agree it was a flop, but not as bad as others out there like observe and report, it was so not funny and then they show some fat ugly guys wang gross!not an image I want in my head. If he was hot, well then, the movie would have been watchable. Bride wars was soooo boring, mall cop not funny at all, maybe to stupid people, guess we have to cater for them too. Did'nt mind GI joe prob cause Channing Tatum was in it..HOT HOT HOT!

  34. Cant belive the comments,most of the responders had not even seen the movies on the list ,ok some of the titles were garbage but if if you leave you brains at the door they were at least entainering,except maybe "The Spirit"that one i walked out on.Never give Frank Miller a directing job again.Loved GI JOE,T4 not so good but for my cluncker of the year has to be "CRANK HIGH VOLTAGE"

  35. You sir, are an idiot.The films mentioned you mentioned are for the most part entertaining and I enjoyed watching them, as did my mum and brother.As for Paranormal being scary, I've been more frightened watching my neice's christmas play and she is only eight.As for Twilight, well, the less said, the better. Twinkling Vampires indeed!!

  36. While Christmas Carol was not as bad as it could've been Carrey's eyes were not expressionless at any point throughtout the film.Zemeckis solved the "dead eyes" problem already.BTW Transformers 2 should be on this list @ 1.

  37. No doubt I'll get hammered from all directions. No, I'm not an intellectual snob but I reckon that all US films (with some notable exceptions) could romp it into the top 10 worst movies. No wonder they're always in la la land or away with the fairies. And to think it's their number 2 export. The sooner their industry crashes (including TV), the safer the real & meaningful cultures of the world will be safe. Bah & humbug to all distributors of their pap.

  38. Rating a film is very much a personal opinion. A film may get 4 star from Herald-Sun movie column and 1 from the Age. Having said that most of you might be familiar with IMDB website. I find that my taste (which is just an average Joe) is almost always the same as their ratings. The ratings are based on thousands of votes casted by viewers.

  39. Surely, you are all fairly intelligent people who should have some sort of idea what you're in for when you step into these movies. And surely this list should be "Worst Movies that might have been good of 2009" because there is plent of B-grade stuff churned out that is far worse than this lot.And btw, Lady Gaga is actually a VERY talented musician who was accepted into New York's most prestigious music school at 14, just because you don't like her music, doesn't actually make her talentless. So many random, sickeningly unresearched statements get thrown around whendiscussing something as simple as one's own tastes.

  40. you should have all twilight movies as number 1 worst films of 2009

  41. Personally, I think you should have a top 20, there are SO many bad movies out there, ugh !!Transformers 2 looked like it was on speed or somethingTotally agree with you on gi joe, sister's keeper, ugly truth, a movie has to have more than a cute guy in it to keep me interested for 90 + mins YAWN !Also agree with Murray G, All About Steve was pretty crappyThe ONLY decent vamp movie this year was Let The Right One In, totally different and totally brilliant 10/10Oh and the only thing Lady Gaga is any good at is being a great big tart

  42. Terminator wasnt bad – it was entertaining and well-made and acted, just the ending sucked. And i really enjoyed A Christmas Carol and totally disagree with that being there – its probably the most faithful adaption of that classic story. Twilight 2 or whatever its called should DEFINATELY be there instead and i'd include The Hangover too – stupid, ugly and not funny, not to mention offensive.

  43. transformers was about the shiny robots and how cool they looked on blueray, plot.. acting… who needs those when you have giant robots smashing each other and megan fox's glorious ass… you people take this kind of movie way to seriously…

  44. Haven't seen most of the movies listed but I thought Transformers was good (lol). I really didn't like Watchmen!! What do you think of it?

  45. Lady Gaga is the musical equivalent to the hollywood blockbusters on the list i.e. all the potential (finance, talent, resources) yet chooses to be one dimensional and quite silly. Give me Tom Waits and a French film any day.

  46. Chigs – I can confirm that WATCHMEN will make my top 10 films of 2009 list in a couple weeks.As for Lady Gaga (however we got on that subject), I think she is a serviceable pop-singer with some catchy tunes. However, despite all her theatrics and costumes, her music isn't as groundbreaking (or lets face it, even as interesting) as she would like to believe.As a final point, to the people who say those of us who disliked TRANSFORMERS take it too seriously, I say you don't take it seriously enough!Hollywood spends upwards of $200 million on projects like this and in the case of Transformers they received more than $900 million in box office grosses. We do not need to feel sorry for the people who made this film.When you hand over money at the cinema, you are voting for the kinds of movie you would like to see. Again, nothing wrong with seeing (or even liking) TRANSFORMERS 2. I would have seen it regardless if it was my for my job or not.Critical forums like these are important, to discuss the failings of films, whether they be small independent films or giant blockbusters. I love going to the movies. This year we've seen action done really well (District 9, Star Trek, Zombieland, the last third of Up). Transformers featured two and a half hours of unintelligibly clashing pixels. That's not good enough.Again, nothing wrong with liking Transformers 2 (or any film on this list) just because I don't. However, never be afraid to criticise films. And certainly take all films seriously. Why give Michael Bay your money if you only kinda like his movie. They spend millions of dollars and numerous years working on these films. We should love them!

  47. Haha, finally (for real this time)… nice work everyone!Pretty much everyone got into the spirit of things! Reading these comments has been really fun and I'm glad to see that for the most part we all agree on the worst films of the year (with the possible exception of Christmas Carol, Terminator and bafflingly, The Spirit).Also, only about two or three of you called me an "idiot" or "second class reviewer", which is a vast improvement on previous articles!So thanks again for all your comments and suggestions! Now, start working on your FAVOURITE FILMS OF 2009, because that list is coming in just a couple weeks!

  48. Don't you mean "Lady Gag when you hear any of her songs?"The fact she was accepted into a prestigious music school and still comes out with crap just proves she's wasted her talent.

  49. Oh, yeah, forgot to say; good list Simon; though I would have put TF2 at number 1 due to the disappointment factor.

  50. Firstly I'de like to make a shoutout to all the paranormal activity haters, we all know how much it cost to make so the quality of footage wasnt grand, but the idea, the acting and the way the plot unfolded was pretty good, would i say its scary? no not really but i do like the other positive things about it. Transformers was dissapointing for me but at the same time visually stimulating for both the CGI and megan fox. She pretty much makes the movie for me, i like shia as well, hes quite a good actor and i hope to see him in more things, maybe with a little more damage and life experience he could be great. Terminator i havent seen but heard nothing but mediocre things. I think in terms of comedy, I LOVE YOU MAN should reign supreme. the story line isnt that good, the concept is amazing, the actors are amazing and its just my style of humour down to a tee. kathrine heigl should shut her mouth because knocked up could have been equally as good or better with another actress in her place. I dont post on these things often so im not sure what your supposed to dicsuss or how long its supposed to be. anyways till next time.

  51. Well said Andrew; that was perfect 😉

  52. The only 1 on this list I have seen is "My Sister's keeper" because I had read the book. The movie was okay but I stand by my belief that the book is always better! (no matter which film adaptation you can think of)

  53. Terminator was not as good as it could have been yet not as bad as it's been made out to be. Worthington helped keep it watchable. With that said, McG should stick with music videos.I would have had 'Ghosts of Girlfriends…' or 'The Proposal' in there instead.TF:2 – Can somebody please tell me why Megan Fox needed to hold someones hand every time they were running from the enemy?Also, Megan Fox characters should just be called 'Megan Fox' from now on because I'm pretty sure that nobody ever remembers her character names.

  54. … is it too early to mention Alice in Wonderland. The awfulness of it really does transcend time and space.

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