The Justin Bieber movie has been christened!

Justin Bieber’s upcoming 3-D movie has been christened with a title as wise and inspirational as its enigmatic central figure: Justin Bieber –  Never Say Never.

Needless to say, parents and teachers can expect to find this etched onto their children’s school supplies (or, in the case of the more obsessive tweenage fans, into their arms with a small razor blade, a bent staple or the end of a paper clip).

Previously:

Mark your calendars! The Justin Bieber 3-D biopic is set to hit cinemas February 11, 2011! Bieber will star as himself in the Jon Chu-directed flick (a performance we pray will rival Joaquin Phoenix’s devasating self-portrait in I’m Still Here). It will combine his rags-to-riches history with his August 31st live performance at Madison Square Garden.

I looked up the history of this soon-to-be-iconic date, to see which notable events will eventually be obfuscated by Bieber’s biopic.

So, prepare to forget the following:

1970 – The Quakers petition U.S. congress to abolish slavery.
1843 – Giuseppe Verdi’s opera I Lombardi debuts in Milan.
1978 – The People’s Republic of China lift a ban on the works of Shakespeare, Aristotle and Dickens.
1990 – Nelson Mandela is freed after 27 years in prison.

Of course, for those of us who do not care about Justin Bieber (rather, anyone over the age of eight), perhaps February 11 will become a date synonymous with terror, pain, and culture’s (nay, the world’s) rapid descent into blinding madness.

Fittingly, there is one other significant event that shares the same date as his biopic’s release.

1964 – The birth of Sarah Palin.

Discuss: Just…discuss.

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