Top 10 movies that should become musicals

Top 10 movies that should become musicals. By Simon Miraudo.

Sylvester Stallone announced this week his plans to turn iconic boxing flick Rocky into a stage musical. At first we had trouble imagining what songs might be featured in such a production, but once we got into the right head space (aided by a few self-inflicted Balboa-style punches to the noggin) it suddenly seemed like a pretty good idea, as did the following movie-to-musical adaptations. Here they are! (And yes, Carrie was already taken.)

1. Gran Torino

Logline: In Clint Eastwood‘s new one-man show, he sings his hit song Gran Torino as well as a variety of gravelly-voiced and slur-based tunes based on his inexplicably popular film of the same name.

Key lyric: “Get off my la-aawn / Go back to Hong Kong / You say you’re Hmong? / Then come clean my car / Equality, yeah!”

2. Chinatown

Logline: Roman Polanski‘s gumshoe classic Chinatown gets the Broadway treatment. Think of the costumes! Think of the water features! Think of the uncomfortable audience when the big twist is unveiled!

Key lyric: “She’s my sister / and my daughter / Husband-daddy Cross / keeps stealing our water.”

3. 12 Angry Men

Logline: 12 Angry Men. 120 tapping toes. Complex societal dissection has never had such pizzazz!

Key lyric: To the tune of this. “Twelve / sweaty male jurors / debating the life of a kid. / One / noble Henry Fonda / is dubious of the crime he did.”

4. Black Narcissus / Black Swan / The Red Shoes / Suspiria

Logline: Finally, the bridge between Michael Powell and Emeric Pressburger‘s timeless classics Black Narcissus and The Red Shoes, Oscar winner Black Swan and the goretastic Suspiria will be crossed in this epic musical about nuns, sexual perversity, witches and – of course – ballet!

Key lyric: No lyrics. All Goblin.

5. The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1

Logline: You indiscriminately devoured the movies; now wolf down the musical!

Key lyric: Actually, this Lonely Island song seems fairly appropriate.

6. Drive

Logline: A psychopathic getaway driver becomes “a real human being” and a real hero in this year’s smash rom-com musical!

Key lyric: “You made me the man/ I am / I won’t hammer this bullet into a pimp’s / cran-i-um.”

7. There Will Be Blood

Logline: And jazz hands!

Key lyric: “[Discordant buzzing, repeated endlessly]

8. The Room

Logline: Oh hai Andrew Lloyd Webber. You adapted Tommy Wiseau’s awfulsome cult classic The Room into a song-strewn spoon-tacular. Good thinking!

Key lyric: “You’re tearing me a-part, Li-sa! / You’re tearing out my heart, Li-sa! / I fed up with this world / You’re a chicken, chirp-chirp.”

9. Die Hard

Logline: Matthew Broderick and Nathan Lane star as John McClane and Hans Gruber in the odd couple pairing of a lifetime!

Key lyric: “Now I have a machine gun / Hey! / Ho! / Hey! / Ho!”

10. The Human Centipede

Logline: Hard to swallow. Easy to hear.

Key lyric: “Mmmpf, mmmpfft!”

Discuss: OK, what did we miss? Sing your suggestions below!

3 Responses to “Top 10 movies that should become musicals”

  1. YES TO THE ROOM!

  2. Cecil B de Mille Centipedal Can Can sequence would be good!!

  3. Planet of the Apes The Musical

    Oh my god I was wrong/It was earth all along/Guess you’ve finally made a monkey out of me!

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