October 25, 2012 
Piranha 3DD – Starring Danielle Panabaker, David Koechner, and David Hasselhoff. Directed by John Gulager. Rated MA. By Richard Haridy.
Piranha 3DD opens with a close up of a wet T-shirt and a succinct recap of the first film in case you were worried about forgetting some vital information. We then cut to Merkin County (get it?) where Gary Busey and friend are wading through a swamp in the middle of the night for some reason I couldn’t quite figure out. Haha, it’s Gary Busey! He’s funny, right? Interested yet?
Directed by John Gulager (whose only previous credits are a trilogy of movies under the moniker Feast of which the second was subtitled Sloppy Seconds), Piranha 3DD uses the exact same story from the previous instalment, but this time the title creatures overrun an adult water park recently taken over by a slimy entrepreneur (David Koechner). ‘The Big Wet’ features plenty of nudity, booze, and a roving underwater ‘cooch cam’. Oh, and there are frequent shots of a fat guy humping a water jet. Interested yet?
Piranha 3DD decides to play the celebrity cameo game by bringing in B-list faces best known in recent years from kitschy internet memes. David Hasselhoff is their big gun here and he appears to do a bunch of Baywatch jokes because it’s 2007 and ‘The Hoff’ jokes are still hilarious, right? The brains behind this tired movie also consciously decide to be viciously unimaginative and copy its predecessor’s big money shot instead of coming up with something new themselves. Yep, there is a scene where a piranha bites off a man’s penis. Interested yet?
The picture’s biggest sin (or biggest achievement) is the fact that it manages to be stunningly short yet still have several flat, boring stretches. The end credits begin at the 66 minute point and are padded with out-takes and sketches in order to reach a releasable running time of 78 minutes. Yep, I was bored by a 66 minute film filled with boobs, blood, and Gary Busey. If after reading this you are still keen on watching Piranha 3DD then at least consider yourself forewarned. Alcohol will help, as the less brain cells in operation the more enjoyment one will garner from this lazy piece of cheap filmmaking.
2/5
Piranha 3DD arrives on DVD, Blu-ray, and 3-D Blu-ray in Australia October 24, 2012.
Quickflix 
Thanks for reviewing Piranha 3DD, Richard. It seems like the B movie that I have been looking all day for. A few of my DISH coworkers, and I meet for a weekly movie marathon. We each search through the thousands and thousands of movies available through DISH’s Blockbuster @Home rental service with an eye out for strange, odd or eccentric movies. The first Piranha movie went over really well, so I expect that everyone will like this one too.