Quickflix live-blogs the 2013 Academy Awards


By Simon Miraudo

The 85th Academy Awards are upon us! Host Seth MacFarlane is set to skewer the year in movies, and we are ready to do the same to him in our 2013 Oscar Live-Blog. Or, maybe he’ll do a good job. Hey, anything is possible on Hollywood’s night of nights!

The big question is: can anything keep Argo from taking home the top prize? Sure, it’s dominated the precursors, but without a Best Director nomination, Ben Affleck’s baby will be fighting against history.

The Top 10 Oscar ‘Sure Things’

Might Quentin Tarantino’s Django Unchained triumph over Michael Haneke’s Amour? Could the Beasts of the Southern Wild slay the tiger from Life of Pi? Can the Navy SEALs of Zero Dark Thirty gun down Steven Spielberg’s Lincoln? (Too soon?) Will Snow White and Rob Lowe duet once again? All will be revealed on Monday, February 25 (9:30am WST/12:30pm EST).

03:31: The telecast here in Australia has cut out early, so we’ll just have to imagine what a sung collaboration between Seth MacFarlane and Kristin Chenoweth sounds like. It couldn’t be worse than what we’re imagining (and we love Kristin). Thanks for joining us for another Oscar live-blog. Seeya in 2014!

03:30: Now, it’s the moment we’ve all been waiting for. Another song from Seth MacFarlane.

03:29: He’s crying while thanking wife Jen Garner. Those kids really have it worked out!

03:27: Ben Affleck is crying. They better not play him off. They already left him out enough times tonight.

03:27: Producer Grant Heslov speaks on behalf of his colleague George Clooney and a flustered Ben Affleck

03:26: For the first time ever in the friendship of Ben Affleck and Matt Damon, Affleck isn’t the one who’s ‘reaching.’

03:25: BEST PICTURE – Argo

03:24: And back to Jack. Okay… Him saying Amourrrrr was chilling.

03:22: Michelle Obama is Skyping in. Just like Captain Kirk!

03:22: Jack Nicholson to sleep with everyone announce Best Picture!

03:18: This makes him the first actor to win three times in this category. He truly is clothed in immense power! He’s joking about playing Margaret Thatcher. I like funny DDL. Still got that Lincoln swagger.

03:17: BEST ACTOR IN A LEADING ROLE – Daniel Day-Lewis, Lincoln. She didn’t even look at the envelope!

03:15: Meryl’s giving out Best Actor. That’s right, she really did win for The Iron Lady. That wasn’t a terrible fever dream.

03:13: Jessica Chastain is going to give Kyle Chandler another dressing down very soon.

03:12: BEST ACTRESS IN A LEADING ROLE – Jennifer Lawrence, Silver Linings Playbook

03:10: Jean Dujardin emerges to remind us how ugly we all are. 

Break! Here’s our review of Best Picture/Actress nominee Amour.

03:04: ACHIEVEMENT IN DIRECTING – Ang Lee, Life of Pi. Woah! They’re going to give this guy the prize – and NOT Best Picture – twice?! (Lest we forget, Brokeback Mountain was outgunned by Crash. Mercifully, this year will be not as regretful.)

03:02: Jane Fonda and Michael Douglas. Hollywood legends from the “1970s and 80s!”

03:00: NB: Longest ever Oscars came in at 4hours 16mins. We are currently three hours in. Picture, Director, Actress, Actor and another song to come.

Beasts of the Southern Wild is the surprise contender for Best Director. Here’s a review.

02:56: “Charlize is my neighbour.” I love this man.

02:56: WRITING, ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY – Quentin Tarantino, Django Unchained

02:53: WRITING, ADAPTED SCREENPLAY – Chris Terrio, Argo. Aw, I like this guy. Go on everyone, let him add all the car chases he wants!

02:52: Dustin Hoffman and Charlize Theron will announce the writing prizes. He’s adorable!

Best Actress is coming up soon. Will Jennifer Lawrence win for Silver Linings Playbook? Here’s our review.

02:45: BEST ORIGINAL SONG –  Skyfall from Skyfall. Music and Lyric by Adele Adkins and Paul Epworth. Look out world, she’s EGOTing!

02:39: BEST ORIGINAL SCORE – Mychael Danna, Life of Pi

02:38: You would never believe the producers of Chicago are producing this year’s Oscars. Here comes the cast once again!

02:37: Oh, yeah, Seth is back. I forgot he was hosting. How I envy the me of 20 seconds ago!

02:35: While we take a break, let’s consider Short Film victor Inocente; the first ever Kickstarter Project to win the prize.

02:31: Babs Streisand is unveiled, paying tribute to the late Marvin Hamlisch. Sings Memories.

02:28: RIP Ernest Borgnine, Eiko Ishioka, Adam Yauch, Michael Clarke Duncan, Charles Durning, Carlo Rambaldi, Andrew Sarris, Tony Scott, Hal David, Nora Ephron, Frank Pierson, Chris Marker and many – too many – more.

02:27: The real Oscar president, George Clooney, presents In Memoriam.

02:22: Salma Hayek with flashbacks to the Governor’s Ball. Winners include: Hal Needham, D. A. Pennebaker, & George Stevens, Jr. The Jean Hersholt Humanitarian Award went to philanthropist Jeffrey Katzenberg.

Lincoln was up for 12 Oscars. We really liked it too! Our review.

02:18: ACHIEVEMENT IN PRODUCTION DESIGN – Rick Carter (Production Design); Jim Erickson (Set Decoration), Lincoln

02:17: Daniel Radcliffe and Kristen Stewart giving out Production Design. She’s limping, but crutch free. Good on her.

02:13: Here to re-enact the jellyfish scene from The Paperboy, Nicole Kidman. Actually, she’s introducing final Best Picture nominees Silver Linings Playbook, Django Unchained, and Amour.

02:07: Every other Best Song nominee is sitting in the audience like the ex who RSVP’d yes to a polite wedding invite.

02:04: Jennifer Lawrence introducing Adele, about to sing Skyfall. Only one of the Best Song nominees allowed to sing. She is Adele, after all.

02:02: ACHIEVEMENT IN FILM EDITING – William Goldenberg, Argo. Gonna be tough to beat it in Best Picture now.

02:01: Sandra Bullock introduced as the star of 28 Days. Deep cut from the filmography, there!

01:59: Academy prez Hawk Koch introducing the competition-winning film students who are handing out the prizes. Aw, cute!

Amy Adams has lost the Oscar four times now. Her performance in The Master was worthy too. One scene in particular…

01:53: “It came true.” Oh boy…

01:50: BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS – Anne Hathaway, Les Miserables. We wrote this out early.

01:49: Christopher Plummer tells off Seth after a Sound of Music gag goes wrong: “Pick on someone your own size.”

01:47: The hairdos of these technical guys are off the chain. Best Sound Editors Who Look Like Thor: There’s a tie.

01:46: ACHIEVEMENT IN SOUND EDITING PART 2 – Per Hallberg and Karen Baker Landers, Skyfall.

01:43: ACHIEVEMENT IN SOUND EDITING – Paul N.J. Ottosson, Zero Dark Thirty. But it’s a tie! …

01:42: ACHIEVEMENT IN SOUND MIXING – Andy Nelson, Mark Paterson and Simon Hayes, Les Miserables

01:41: CGI Ted and CGI Mark Wahlberg on stage.

01:40: The audience is applauding Ted. I no longer understand anything!

You can also hear Quickflix critics Simon Miraudo and Andrew Williams  singing tunes from Les Mis. Sorry in advance.

01:37: This has nothing to do with the official telecast, but I just saw a Half Price Shutters ad to the tune of Shaddap You Face. Actually, this is better than a lot of what I’ve seen so far.

We quite liked Les Mis. We particularly loved the first 40 minutes. Our review.

01:33: Aaron Tveit… and Russell!

01:31: Here’s Anne Hathaway. The tension is palpable!

01:30: Hugh Jackman emerges. The cast of Les Mis are close behind. We, literally, could not be more excited to see what Rusty does.

01:28: So, if Anne does I Dreamed a Dream, does this become a montage of Best Supporting Actress Winners in Musicals from the Past Decade?

01:27: Jennifer Hudson doing And I’m Telling You… Can you believe this movie is six years old?

01:25: Catherine Zeta-Jones doing All That Jazz. Can you believe this movie is a decade old?

01:24: Here comes that big musical number featuring the casts of Chicago, Dreamgirls, and Les Mis. Steel yourself.

01:23: John Travolta. Never forget.

01:22: That was a sweet speech. No lecturing the audience. Odd choice, Michael! Where’s that remote control…

01:21: FOREIGN LANGUAGE FILM – Amour. We said Michael Haneke would look like a vampire!

01:20: Sorry, we won’t talk about dresses anymore.

01:19: Jennifer Garner and Jessica Chastain are up to hand out… oh my God what is on the back of Garner’s dress?!

01:15: The Jaws theme is back. MIS-JUDGED! It’s as if it only starts playing when someone begins saying something from the heart.

We interviewed director Malik Bendjelloul about Searching for Sugar Man last year. Look how far he’s come! 

01:13: DOCUMENTARY, FEATURE – Searching for Sugar Man

01:12: Why are they not cutting to the actors he’s joking about? Or anyone in the audience? This is like watching a bad stand-up special.

01:10: “The only actor to really get in Abraham Lincoln’s head is John Wilkes Booth,” Seth.

Zero Dark Thirty is my favourite of the Best Picture nominees. Here’s a review.

01:07: Liam Neeson comes out to use his ‘skills’ on MacFarlane. Oh, right, he’s just talking about Best Picture nominees Argo, Lincoln, and Zero Dark Thirty.


01:03: Congrats to everyone who guessed correctly!

01:02: LIVE ACTION SHORT FILM – Curfew. First year all the nominees have been sent out to all Oscar voters.

01:01: Django and Broomhilda, Jamie Foxx and Kerry Washington, take the stage.

00:57: Standing ovation for the Dame. And now an ad break.

00:54: Dame Shirley Bassey singing Goldfinger. Did we mention they played off the Visual Effects winner with the Jaws theme?

Was Skyfall robbed of a Best Picture nomination? Our review here.

00:51: Best ever Bond girl – kidding! – Halle Berry comes out to celebrate 50 Years of James Bond. Play her off with the Jaws theme! I mean the other Jaws. Richard Kiel.

00:49: ACHIEVEMENT IN MAKE-UP AND HAIRSTYLING – Lisa Westcott and Julie Dartnell, Les Miserables. Chopping off Anne’s hair indiscriminately pays off!

00:47: ACHIEVEMENT IN COSTUME DESIGN – Jacqueline Durran, Anna Karenina. Sadly, the late Eiko Ishioka missed out for Mirror Mirror.

00:45: Channing Tatum and Jennifer Aniston on stage now, talking costume designers, make-up, waxing, et cetera.

00:43: I still can’t believe that happened. Boo! Let them talk! We had to watch Seth sing about BOOBS! BOOBS!

Life of Pi taking Visual Effects was a lock. Here’s our review.

00:41: They are playing them off to the Jaws theme. Awful choice.

00:39: ACHIEVEMENT IN VISUAL EFFECTS – Bill Westenhofer, Guillaume Rocheron, Erik-Jan De Boer and Donald R. Elliott, Life of Pi. The Avengers lost. The actual Avengers are handing them the prize. Awkward.

00:38: His hair is wild. His speech is incoherent. Roger Deakins has lost ten times in this category, by the way.

00:37: ACHIEVEMENT IN CINEMATOGRAPHY – Claudio Miranda, Life of Pi

00:35: Out come Robert Downey Jr., Chris Evans, Samuel L. Jackson, Jeremy Renner, and Mark Ruffalo. They were not in Beasts of the Southern Wild.

00:33: Hearing Dan Romer and Benh Zeitlin’s Beasts score is a reminder that its exclusion from the Best Score category is the night’s biggest snub.

00:31: Reese Witherspoon introducing Les Miserables, Life of Pi, and Beasts of the Southern Wild. Three not at all similar Best Picture nominees.

Check out our review of Brave. Is it among their best?



00:25: Paul Rudd and Melissa McCarthy take to the stage. Finally, funny people!

Here’s our review of Django Unchained.

00:20: If you were wondering, yes, he’s wearing those very handsome glasses. And no, Quentin Tarantino has not done up his top button tonight. Of all nights, QT!

00:19: BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR – Christoph Waltz, Django Unchained

00:17: Octavia Spencer comes out to announce Best Supporting Actor. Thank goodness. 

00:16: He’s singing again.

00:15: These references are too biting and current!!!

00:13: We are yet to hand out an award. Instead, we’re getting a video of MacFarlane harassing Sally Field in the green room, dressed as the flying nun.

00:12: Seth, Daniel Radcliffe, and Joseph Gordon-Levitt are dancing. Two of them are very adorable!

00:11: A sock-puppet rendition of Flight. We’re going from 0-100 on the boring to weird scale, folks.

00:09: He’s now singing live, to Channing Tatum and Charlize Theron. This Oscar ceremony is all about classic musicals apparently. Because… Argo?

00:07: Now showing a pre-recorded song in which Seth sings about seeing actresses boobs. No snarky comment required.

00:06: William Shatner as Captain Kirk is being Skyped in. This is the kind of current, biting reference Seth MacFarlane was hired for!

00:05: Close to a billion people are watching the show worldwide. Only three-quarters are live-blogging. 

00:03: A Roman Coppola joke. Pulling out the big guns!

00:01: Hmm, no opening video. But Tommy Lee Jones is already laughing. We were not prepared!

00:00: Good morning/afternoon/evening everyone! Are we ready for this? Remember, at last year’s ceremony, it took 12 minutes for the first prize to be handed out. It took less than five for Billy Crystal to don blackface. The bar has been set, Seth!

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