Bradley Cooper to play the raccoon in Guardians of the Galaxy

Ever since Marvel announced a Guardians of the Galaxy movie, there has been only one question on our minds: who in the world is going to play that damn raccoon?

The answer has finally been revealed, after more than a year of intense debate and protests: Bradley Cooper.

Marvel confirmed the news on their website, though Cooper’s name was first floated online last week.

He will simply give voice to the animated character, Rocket Raccoon; news that will surely disappoint those hoping to see Cooper go through months of pain-staking body modification surgery, if only to lessen his impossible handsomeness just slightly.

Rocket Raccoon is described by director James Gunn as “a little gnarled, miserable pretty angry creature, because there’s nothing else like him and that’s not easy to be.”

The other Guardians (like an squad of alien Avengers) will be played by Chris Pratt, Zoe Saldana, Dave Bautista, and Michael Rooker.

Vin Diesel is in talks to voice Groot, who is basically a big tree.

They’re headed for cinemas in 2014.