The top 10 movie idiots

The top 10 movie idiots. By Simon Miraudo.

“Stupid is as stupid does,” Forrest Gump once cautioned a nation, and he was right. There’s a fine history of fools in cinema, and Paul Rudd‘s Ned from Our Idiot Brother (out this week on DVD and Blu-ray) joins that dim-witted pantheon. To celebrate his well-meaning stupidness, we’re sharing our picks for the top 10 movie idiots. Counting down from 10, to 9, then 6, umm, I think there’s a J in there … just read the list.

10. Alan Garner in The Hangover and The Hangover Part II

Key Quote: “I didn’t know they gave out rings at the Holocaust.”

He is incapable of reading social cues, an emotional cripple, and “not supposed to be within 200 feet of a school.” Alan accidentally roofies himself and his friends during the ultimate bucks night gone wrong, and then does it again two years later. He is our #10. The bar has been set.

9. Frank Drebin in The Naked Gun

Key Quote: “When I see 5 weirdos dressed in togas stabbing a guy in the middle of the park in full view of 100 people, I shoot the bastards. That’s my policy.” “That was a Shakespeare-In-The-Park production of ‘Julius Caesar’, you moron! You killed 5 actors! Good ones.”

The late Leslie Nielsen made idiocy an art form in The Naked Gun films, and Police Squad before them. He is missed.

8. Lina Lamont in Singin’ in the Rain

Key Quote: ” What do they think I am? Dumb or something? Why, I make more money than – than – than Calvin Coolidge! Put together!”

Actress Lina Lamont has a face for the big screen, a voice for silent movies, and a brain for, well, not much at all.

7. Derek Zoolander from Zoolander

Key Quote: “Moisture is the essence of wetness, and wetness is the essence of beauty.”

He can’t pronounce ‘eulogy’, he mistakes models of buildings for the buildings themselves, he enjoys petrol fights with his buddies, and he doesn’t listen to his friend Billy Zane. But damn if Derek Zoolander isn’t really, really ridiculously good looking.

6. Inspector Jacques Clouseau in A Shot in the Dark

Key Quote: “You shot him in a rit of fealous jage!”

Peter Sellers‘ Clouseau is one of the all-time great comic creations, and A Shot in the Dark is the Inspector’s finest moment. Fractured French has never sounded better.

5. President Dwayne Elizondo Mountain Dew Herbert Camacho in Idiocracy

Key Quote: “I know s***’s bad right now, with all that starving bulls***, and the dust storms, and we are running out of french fries and burrito coverings.”

In Mike Judge’s satire Idiocracy, a regular Joe travels five-hundred years into the future where the average level of intelligence has dropped immeasurably. Though the film is filled with wonderful dunderheads, our favourite is the former-wrestler/Head of State played by Terry Crews. He’s got our vote!

4. Fredo Corleone in The Godfather Part II

Key Quote: “I can handle things! I’m smart! Not like everybody says… like dumb… I’m smart and I want respect!”

Fredo, listen to yourself. Michael knew it was you. You are the Alan Garner of the Corleone family.

3. Harry Dunne and Lloyd Christmas in Dumb and Dumber

Key Quote: “I can’t believe we drove around all day, and there’s not a single job in this town. There is nothing, nada, zip!” “Yeah! Unless you wanna work forty hours a week.”

Soul mates Harry and Lloyd share a spot on this list, because with their intellect combined they make up one regular idiot.

2. Brick Tamland from Anchorman

Key Quote: “I ate fiberglass insulation. It wasn’t cotton candy like the guy said… my tummy itches.”

Weatherman Brick Tamland, with a generous IQ of 48, would later become “one of the top political advisors to the Bush White House.” He also claims to love “lamp”, and killed a man with a trident. It would take someone truly dumb to top this guy…

1. Navin R. Johnson in The Jerk

Key Quote: “You mean I’m gonna STAY this colour?”

Raised as a poor black orphan, naive Navin achieved much in his life: he evaded a sniper, worked at the circus, found love, made millions through an ingeniously simple invention, and even lobbied against “cat juggling.” Though he would eventually lose all his money, and even worse, all his things, Johnson’s adventure-filled life reminds us that sometimes idiots really do have it best.

Discuss: OK, who did we miss?

2 Responses to “The top 10 movie idiots”

  1. What about Stepbrothers? Will FERRELL and John C. Reilly are brilliant as the gormless steppies!!

  2. Borat, like hullooooo. “I have to make the toilet” during the dinner party in the movie is cinema gold. His plan to kidnap Pamela Anderson is hilarious, dumb, but hilarious.

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